The Ninja Talk Show!
by InuyashaCrazyFanGal
Summary: In this shocking annual talkshow, Sasuke reveals that he actually pays tribute to a... tomato god! And Neji likes seaweed! OneShot


**AND HERE'S… THE ANNUAL NINJA TALK SHOW! THESE LUCKY NINJAS GET TO BE DOCTORS FOR A DAY AND ANSWER REAL-LIFE QUESTIONS SENT IN BY VIEWERS! **

Host: Now, calling in the "doctors"! They're Mr Naruto, Mr Uchiha, Mr Neji, and Mr Gaara!

Naruto: Wow, this is SO COOL! I'm on telly!

Sasuke: Shut up.

Neji: Why did I even bother…

Gaara:…

Host: Take a seat, take a seat people! Have a drink! Now, here are today's questions…

_I like a boy at school, but I am too afraid to confess! He's popular, he's good looking…I feel like killing every girl that comes near him! Help!_

Host: Now for your advice, doctors!

Naruto: Whoa, Whoa! Slow down, girl! You should, according to me, present the guy with a bowl of ramen first, then confess! You won't fail, I promise, because guys can't resist ramen!

Sasuke: This sounds familiar…

(Meanwhile, there are girls behind the stage curtains peeping at Sasuke, their eyes glowing like red-hot coals…)

Neji: I would advise you to start training up yourself, then kill those girls.

Gaara: I exist to kill everyone other than myself. So **don't **kill those girls. Give me the pleasure of killing you and them.

_Everyone laughs at me because I am short, and there's this girl I really like but she hates me because of my height. Can you please give me some suggestions on how to grow tall and how to gain the girl's affections?_

Naruto: This sounds… a bit…like…me…

Sasuke: Well, it sounds a whiny dead-last brat to me. You know, like a certain blonde.

Naruto: WHAT-DID-YOU-SAY!

Neji: You should exercise, eat healthy stuff, and then show everyone what you've got.

Gaara: I would advise you to start killing anyone who offends you. One less annoying person in the world is better, isn't it? (Laughs Hysterically)

Everyone: (Sweatdrops)

_I hate my parents, they're always arguing. My big brother has already left and joined a street gang. I don't have any friends, I am all alone. I want to die!_

Naruto: NO! You can't DIE! I mean, at least you have parents! You aren't alone! How would you survive if you were in my shoes?

Sasuke: Start arranging traps and knives around the house. Your big brother will probably be coming back to kill your parents and you, if you are unlucky. Get prepared for a life of pursuing power and revenge.

Neji: Why are your parents arguing anyway?

Gaara: Your parents don't care for you at all. I see you have realized that. Do not even bother about your so-called brother. See to it that he does not exist. But first, settle your parents.

_ARRGH! I'm fat and I can't do anything!_

Naruto: Who says you can't do anything! The fact that you're fat means that you know how to eat! See, you DO know something! That's a happy thing, isn't it?

_Author: Ahem. About this question and others, I hope that readers know that they are just purely for entertainment. Thank you._

Host: Back to the story… Er, I mean show.

Sasuke: Stop eating so much and only consume tomatoes.

Neji: My advice is the same as Sasuke's, except that you should eat seaweed instead of tomatoes because tomatoes suck.

Sasuke: TOMATOES DON'T SUCK!

Neji: What are you yelling for?

Sasuke: I'm YELLING because you said tomatoes SUCK!

Neji: Stop yelling at me. What advice I give has completely nothing to do with you.

Sasuke: I don't give a damn about your stupid advice! I'm pissed because you said that tomatoes suck. Do you know by saying this, you are offending the mighty tomato god our clan so faithfully worshipped? Why do you think our skin is fair? Because we pay our dues to the tomato god and eat tomatoes as part of our daily diet-

Host: --- And while Sasuke goes on about his tomato god, can Mr Gaara give his advice?

Gaara: Your blood is filthy. You're fat. Fat people-

Sasuke: -- SO I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, TOMATOES ROCK-

Neji: --SHUT UP! SEADWEED IS MUCH MORE EASIER TO EAT—

Gaara: —Totally disgusting and worthless, my mother would have killed me if she had to taste such blood—

Naruto: Okay, okay! Now people…

Sasuke: HA! NO WONDER YOU LOOK SO GIRLY WITH THAT LONG HAIR OF YOURS! EATING SEAWEED HAS MADE YOU SISSY!

Neji: SHUT UP! YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL YOURSELF—

Gaara:-- So, in other words, I won't kill you personally, you're not worth it.

Sasuke: ME SISSY? YOU WON'T KNOW HOW MANY GIRLS DROOL OVER ME—

Neji: WHO CARES ABOUT GIRLS WHEN THERE'S SEAWWED? SEAWEED STILL ROCK AND YOUR STUPID NON-EXISTENT TOMATO GOD, AND TOMATOES SUCK!

Sasuke: YOUR SISSY SEAWEED SUCK AND **MY **TOMATOES ROCK FOREVER!

Host: Oh dear…

Naruto: **EVERY ONE OF YOU SHUT UP, BECAUSE RAMEN ROCKS AND ALL OF YOU AND YOUR FOOD SUCK!**

Sasuke+Neji: … (Shocked)

Host: I think something big is coming up… While they're still stunned, I would like to suggest to Mr Naruto to make a run for it…

Sasuke: (Whispering) Did you hear what he said?

Neji: (Whispering) He not only insulted our diet, he also insulted us!

Naruto: (Gulps)

Sasuke+ Neji: DIE!

The host and Gaara casually hop out of the way as Neji and Sasuke ran after a screaming Naruto around the studio with saws and knives…

Host: And so, this concludes our show for today. Everyone have a nice day!

Gaara: I wonder how Naruto's blood tastes like… It won't be long now… (Licks his lips)

Author: Please review!


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